A Letter

I just received a letter from a friend who has been “following Laura's situation from the quiet sidelines for a while.” I had written to her just to unburden myself a little, and she wrote back the following. Since I haven’t yet asked her if I can make it public, I’ll leave her anonymous. But this is worth sharing with you:

“All I can conclude is that the death process is far more mysterious than we thought. And death is not limited to Laura's body, but it includes our expectations and assumptions about this as well. I've been getting one message consistently from this—that God is using her prolonged, protracted death to show us that He is greater than we imagine. Not greater at abandoning or neglecting us, or in delighting in our suffering to maybe settle some score, but greater in His love than we think we know. Something is going on here, something is being revealed in this mystery—I mean, the mystery itself is revealing something to us, and it may be more about us than Laura. My hunch is that God is using her faithfulness and love for Him for our good, for the enlightenment of the onlooker crowd who thought they might come to some reasonable expectation or presumption, given the medical knowledge and data and history of these illnesses.

“I have no idea what that lesson is yet, and it could run the gamut from something very simple—a goal of humility for us, say—to something way more heroic and loving on Laura's part—a kind of intercessory purpose to the powerful end days she's living right now. The fact that we can even propose conclusions tells me it may actually be something else, something we can't, and even aren't supposed to reason out. Father, they still do not know exactly what causes the onset of labor, when a mother's body begins the frightening mount of contractions. Let me tell you, it's involuntary, and you can't put it in reverse and come back the next day, or do it in doses. Once you give your body up to hold a growing new life, you are God's vessel. You are in His hands, and you will know that pain and agony of bringing that precious life forth. He can't do it without your flesh, muscles, sweat and pain.

“I keep getting that same picture here, but applied at the other end of life, in what we call "death". If Laura has given herself to God for His purpose, then she is His vessel. Whatever use He has of her, or plan for her, is His alone to know (until He clues her in eventually...). I loved what you wrote on her blog a few days back, when you rather firmly and clear-eyed-ly said that this is their intimacy. And intimacy is not for crowds, for commentary, for guessing why or what happens next. God veils these things for good reason.

“This is a time for reverent silence. And you know, it's going on all the time! Souls are doing this, have been doing this since time began, and still we are surprised, moved and awed—as we should be. It may be that God is…covering all eyes watching this. When He intends mystery, He's going to protect and guard it, until the time has come to draw the curtain back for our eyes to understand and know. I believe that he allows nothing out of unlove, but everything out of intense love: even a death that confounds our expectations, that will end as it began—in mystery, in intimacy; hidden, safe, held, and cherished.”

Nothing much to report. Laura has been unconscious for the past few days. We’re just keeping vigil.

Abbot Joseph