In this life there are many things to prepare for, but the most important is for our entrance into the kingdom of heaven. I will take you with me, should you want to come along, on my personal journey to the door which will lead to eternity, through which every soul must pass. Where the angel of death waits to ask the all important question, "Are you prepared for the Kingdom?"

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Location: Anacortes, Washington, United States

Two years ago I was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer. I was one of the fortunate ones who survived surgery along with chemo/radiation treatments. Recently, it was discovered that the cancer had returned and although I am again on chemotherapy, in all probability I have perhaps one more year to live. During these last months I would like to share what I have learned about the most important thing we'll ever do in this life and that is, prepare for the kingdom of God.

Monday, August 07, 2006

On Letting Go

Yesterday I took a walk up the mountain to a beautiful place overlooking the valley. As I sat there the words from Psalm 90 came to me, “Under his wings you will find refuge.” As I looked up there was a large bird flying overhead. I realized that I am far from ready to make the journey into the other life. I find that I’m still very attached to things of this life that make letting go seem impossible. I fear that if I die in this state I will wander endlessly through Purgatory trying to find a way to let go. When your heart is not willing to detach, for whatever reason, it makes death seem very threatening to the soul. I pray the words of the Great Doxology:

Lord, have mercy on me, heal my soul, For I have sinned against You!
I run to you Lord, teach me to please You,
For You are my God, the source of life, And in Your light, we see light!

Holy is God, holy and mighty, holy and immortal!
O God, have mercy on us!

At times like this, I have no other recourse but to cry out to God. There is nowhere else to go. Perhaps this is where He wants me and this is the only way to get me to this place of complete dependence on Him.

Blessed are You Lord: teach me your Law!
Blessed are You, Master: make me understand your commandments!
Blessed are You, Holy One: fill my mind with the wisdom of your decrees!

I’m writing this on the Feast of the Transfiguration. I pray that He will show Himself to me in a way that will transform my soul so that I might have the faith to let go of this life and follow Him into the next.

O God, make haste to my rescue,
Lord, come to my aid!

(Psalm 69)


Blogger Living True said...

Hello, I found your site via a link at Abbot Joseph's blog. I want to follow your journal and your journey. I lost my husband to cancer in the early 80's when we were both 33 years old. Then later I had to battle breast cancer. I am fine now but think about death a lot as we all must prepare for death. I hope we can write to each other once in awhile.

8:54 AM  
Blogger ClizBiz said...

Laura, what a brave and beautiful soul you are! I admire your courage in dealing with this natural exit head-on.

It's strange but in other cultures, Death is not so taboo - it is easily accepted and discussed. I noticed this especially in Africa and South America. Anyway, I applaud your efforts in dealing with this so publicly. I'll be keeping tabs on you and will pray for your strength - though it seems you have that all covered.

9:33 AM  

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